the ship that never sinks.

There are different kinds of friends who make you feel different things at different points in your life- this difference probably created categories like best friends, good friends, acquaintances- those we used to scribble in autograph books in primary school, or even in secondary school. it's like an honour roll in a way, and such proclaimations probably instilled much camaraderie, pride, and warmth in the lucky named ones. at least, i remembered being very pleased writing, "Best friends: x,y,z", and later seeing in x's autograph book that y wrote, "Best friends: (my name), x, z".

But as we grow older, these catergories begin to fade- friends from all walks of life come together and you experience different degrees of intimacy at different seasons in your life. These are what people often coin friends who come and go. in other words, ephemeral friendships.

I think we recognise who those are quite instinctively with age, but today, i want to write about the other group- the one you find yourself scrawling friends forever at the back of a christmas card and pausing in careful contemplation for a bit after- savouring the fond memories, and later sealing the envelope with a promise- with forever etched in your heart.

These are the friends who pull you through the tough times- make you laugh when you feel like crying, make time to hear you out, check in on you as often as they can, who stand up for you when a jerk gets in your way, unveil your eyes when blinded by emotion, encourage you, motivate you, watch your back, stay up at godforsaken hours just to talk to you when they usually sleep no later than one in the mornings, tell you things you don't quite want to hear- because the truth sometimes hurts. These are also the same friends whom you sometimes don't turn to- because there can only be so many people there for you at any one point- but you know they wouldn't close their door on you if you did. These are also the same friends who instantly put a smile on your face- when they share silly stories, when they ask queer questions like, "are we going to do the void deck thing again?", when you still play with your stuffed toys together in your bedroom on an all nighter, when they call you close to midnight and tell you that they are back in singapore and you drive over immediately to see them and your heart soars when you do...

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I love my friends, i really really do. in many ways, friends are quite like guardian angels. but i also want to remember who first blessed me with these angels- and last night, i was reminded in my sudden bout of vulnerability that the one person i must still continually look toward and put my hope and trust in is God alone. because if i did it any other way, i would then be making the very same mistake- making a single person/groups of people my world. and if and when they do leave, my world will come crashing down on me, again.

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and i am reminded of this old song i used to sing in church, haven't heard it for awhile now.

turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in his wonderful face
and the things of this world will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace.