Bangkok

was quite an experience. It's my first family holiday in 5, 6, years? or more? i can't recall now, its been too long, but it was really enjoyable. I think i've been travelling so much with friends that i've forgotten just how relaxing it is being with my folks. what i mean is, being pampered by my folks when on holiday. you know how it is, they worry about you not getting enough rest, they feed you well, clothe you well, and most of all, in a place like Bangkok, shopping with them knows no boundaries. I suppose the biggest difference is that of responsibility. i felt like a kid again- accomodation, transport, even the keeping of my passport, all done, because they want to. In fact, i think they miss doing it so much they were getting a little obssessive at some point during the trip. okay, just my mother. but it was all good. good SQ flight, good comfortable hotel with large screens to catch the world cup and great location too, incredible food, wonderful shopping... but you know what i love most about bangkok? the people and the culture. land of a thousand smiles indeed, and their patrioticism towards the king... was fascinating. and shopping there was especially enjoyable because of their service staff- somehow, the people there are really gentle, and rarely pushy. they're truly good natured, can't speak for all of them, but the general vibe and energy- i love it tons. and the people there are really beautiful too; gorgeous girls, gorgeous boys. wonderful! i told my dad that if i were a guy, i'd love to marry a thai girl.

anyhow. here're some pictures. (:


this was absolutely delicious.


siam paragon: the biggest and newest shopping mall there.


the typical day jam in bangkok.


and i didn't leave bangkok without some romance! the bangkok eye! haha. met up with my friend there and we took it together. ;)

An Ocean Apart.

Now we are together, sitting outside in the sunshine
But soon we'll be apart and soon it'll be night at noon
Now things are fine, the clouds are far away up in the sky
But soon I'll be on a plane and soon you'll feel the cold rain

You promised to stay in touch when we're apart
You promised before i left that you'll always love me.
Time goes by, people cry, everything goes too fast.
Now we have each other enjoying each moment with one another
But soon I'll be miles away and soon the phone will be our only way

You promised we'll never break up over the telephone
You said our love was stronger than an ocean apart
Time goes by and people lie, everything goes too fast.

Let's not fool ourselves in vain, this far away trip will give us pain
We'll have to be so strong to keep our love from going wrong
Distance will make us cold, even put our love on hold
But soon we'll meet again and soon it'll be bright at noon again

You promised not to loose faith in our love when i'm away
You promised so much to me but now you've left me
We go by and then we lie all this time we wasted
Time goes by, people lie everything goes too fast.

Time went by, and then we died, everything went too fast.

-

i know i haven't updated in nearly a month but this month has been one crazy busy one. i haven't felt like i'm doing so many things all at once before in my life, but its a good feeling, knowing that i'm spending my time well and not merely fulfilling obligations that otherwise would have been the case if i remained attached. you know, the typical weekend duties- movies, dinners, shopping, reserved only for him. all that compromise, all the arguments, the grievances, the petty quarrels, the derogatory comments shoved in my face, the continuous second guessing- never knowing who's going to win this round. it was so tiring, such a waste of my time, and im so glad that chapter has closed for good.

so i'm done with my internship, and ever since, i've been busy: tuitioning because my student's exams are in july; teaching piano because my student's exam is in august; meeting people i've promised i'd meet since eons ago; and church camp which was just fabulous. i've been in this new church for slightly more than a year now, and its the first time i've really felt this sense of belonging. we really bonded over church camp- sneaking out of dirty messy games for afternoon naps and unproductive shopping; incessant complaining from the horrible food; tons of room service food; late nights taboo and guesstures (haven't laughed so hard for a long time now); talking about boys and that one boy who made moments in camp slightly difficult for me because of how things have become.

speaking of which, him. its really difficult, seeing him week in and week out. out of sight, out of mind. but now that he's actually within my peripheral vision, and sometimes i can't quite stop myself from glancing over- hoping he's having a worse time than i am because him just being around brings the storm clouds over my head. call me bitter, sure. i am, but time is a healer they say. i hope it goes away soon, because its so difficult to refrain from all these little instances of sarcasm when we're playing fun games like true colours and needing to put a name to a category like 'you wouldn't trust him with your best friend. who's he?' (paraphrase) and i blurt his name out within a milisecond. too many things still remind me of him, and right now, every attempt to push these sickening thoughts and memories aside is still very much a conscious and deliberate one. which can be rather tiresome.

-

i digressed again. church camp was really wonderful. here's a shot of the girls i bunked in with.


because it was pe uniform day.

having said that, it also made me realise how reclusive i've become over the years. i was at this very hotel at my old church's camp 5 years ago, and how much things have changed since! i'm so easily lethargic and worn out these days, and being around people 24/7 is possibly the most draining activity in the world. even back home, i've been busying myself so much so that solitude becomes a luxury, which is great because it makes me really look forward to being alone. and sometimes i think every effort at keeping myself busy is very much intentional so that i won't ever feel lonely. i remember days in the past when i absolutely detested having so much time to myself. but funny how things have changed. and its a nice change. i'm gradually getting used to not meeting the same person on a weekly basis. i must admit its alot more relaxing, and there's no need for the- hey so how've you been? etc. talk. but take away all that effort at trying to make things work... i guess it evens out, plus i get so much more time to do what i really want/need to do! i like.

-

church camp was also great because it was very spirit led. amazing moments where i hear God answering, and people whom i don't know coming up to pray for me, and what they're led to pray about are exactly my concerns, fears, insecurities. i feel myself growing spiritually, and i really hope i never become content- and that i continually strive to grow closer to that one person who's blessed me with everything i've had and have now. faith is a strange thing. i can't even remember when exactly i decided to take a walk with God again, give this whole faith thing a shot again, and well, possibly be able to live like i used to. it all seemed so impossible last year- after my two year hiatus from everything faith-related. in a way, not believing in the spiritual realm made me alot bolder, alot more passionate, alot more zealous about life, and a whole lot less fearful about spirits and the like. and yeah, the two years when i broke away were possibly the most colourful years in my life, in terms of really experiencing all life had to offer- the spectrum of possibilities, that range of emotions, the intensity, that disregard for judgment day, morality, and perfect standards that i always fell short of.

but this conviction in my heart grew steadily and surely since i decided to give this God thing a chance again last year. its been a tremendously bumpy ride no doubt, because of my folly, because of my disobedience, because of my unwillingness to let go of sin. but i'm beginning to enjoy the peace that comes with obedience, the peace from knowing that this is how God would have wanted things to be. i feel a whole lot lighter, alot surer about what i want and what i don't want. although i still experience moments of innate gushing- that certain someone i've been having a soft spot for. oh lets not even go there now!

-

life's been good, really. i'm feeling really blessed- for all the friends whom i love so dearly and who love me back so dearly, for my warm family who's given me everything they can, for the opportunities to learn and grow, for a renewed hope in God, and most importantly, for the peace in my heart.

i'm really looking forward to my upcoming holiday. Till i next feel the need/urge to update. (: