easter friday

marks my anniversary at church of our saviour. it brings back many memories because it was last easter that i visited coos with W and i remember going for kaya toast breakfast (at 8am in the morning, gosh how did i ever manage that in the past?) before service. amazing. because so much has changed since and you'd think with change i'd be alot different but the nett result is only you becoming a little bit more of something from before a particular incident. the something is usually along the lines of... guarded, cynical, reclusive, and as a result, probably more desensitised to bad fortune, consequences of bad decisions, and generally more resigned.

everyday, im still learning to let go of the little things that burden me but ought not to; the memories that sting; to draw on the courage that grows with every right step i take to take more right steps; and most of all, to acknowledge that i really can't do it without Him.

and im thankful for many people, because as you so rightly said the other night dear, God shows His love through people. i'm really thankful for that short session of bible study/prayer despite the distance and however unprepared i was; i felt peace for the first time all week, and especially since the week was wrought with much frustration so much so that i had to either run/tennis everyday, i felt especially uplifted and for that i was grateful.

frankly, it's not easy to love life, but then again, who said i was supposed to?

this everyday awareness that not much makes me truly happy anymore just serves to remind me of why i'm here. i need to remember that, everyday.